I ultimately still don’t see the need for forgiveness by Jesus for my actions beyond asking God for forgiveness of which I do.
It’s probably more a more a matter of repentance, rather than asking forgiveness. 1 John 1:9 is about a Christian maintaining a right relationship with God. It’s the sort of thing that you are doing. It’s what happens in a family when you realised that you have offended a family member, and you admit your wrong, and get things right with that one. But doing that wasn’t what got you into the family. You had to be born into it, or get adopted. Repentance and faith is what triggers that to happen with us and God. Repentance involves a recognition of which way you are going, and turning ‘about face’ back in the other direction. Faith is recognising a truth and trusting it for yourself.
I will admit, that since I don’t have the same understanding of Christ, I do allow myself to enter into sin more freely (or potentially, with less guilt?), however, this has been something that has been incredibly freeing since leaving the faith in 2014. It’s not that I don’t understand the consequences for my sin. It’s that, it is permissible and now I don’t feel the weight of sin on my shoulders every single day. That was exhausting… The burden of feeling guilty for every time I do something that was not what God would have liked.
Something psychological is happening there. It’s like the drunkard that figures that the fact that he drinks to excess is the fault of someone or something else other than his own choices. So, he can feel good about crying in his beer. If you can be convinced that your sin really isn’t sin, then you can feel good about yourself. And, especially if you can rank yourself well above those around you, even some who claim to be Christians, then you can feel really good about yourself. But how you feel isn’t going to be what makes you right with God, or give you entry into heaven.
Furthermore, there is something spiritual happening there. You may have been living the life of a Pharisee, and with that comes the pressure of living a life commensurate with the position. So, you would find yourself under stress, trying to “live the Christian life.” When you gave up on that the pressure of living under those conditions was relieved, so you felt better. But the true Christian life is not living under some sort of set of rules and standards, requiring you to perform. It’s about a relationship. And when the relationship is right the ‘right living’ becomes natural.
Also involved in the spiritual side of things is the work of the enemy.
2 Corinthians 4:3-4
But even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them.
Between Satan’s influence and your sin nature, you have managed to create your own god to replace the real one. You have a good relationship with him, and you feel good about it. But it’s a fake. An impersonation. The Pharisee has a god of his making that makes him feel good about himself. The person reacting to pharisaic living makes some major alterations to his god to suit his new approach to life, so he can again feel good about himself. They are both missing the truth.
Why do I need salvation from my sins? Like sure, because there has to be consequences for not meeting Gods standard. But sin on earth should not result in an eternity of consequences. It doesn’t seem just to me???
Read Romans 2:11 to 3:20
We sin because we have sin nature. A natural tendency to stray. Take a wild pig out of the bush, and put it in your backyard, and you will learn that just moving to a new location doesn’t change who you are. (Romans 5:12-21; 2 Cor. 5:17, 21) Apart from that transforming work of grace, to move us to heaven would simply degrade heaven, and make it like sin-swept earth.